proposition 233

by f. flynn

illustrations by danny delacroix

here’s another story about some aliens. where this time? some place starting with a t - a long name. where’s that? i don’t know - i could look it up. don’t bother. will they be coming around? it says that emissaries will be sent all over the globe. so if i went out to wendy’s i might see some emissaries ? maybe. it doesn’t say exactly where they are going. what are they up to this time? let’s see - they got some kind of vote, they want humans to vote on something. i did that the last time. well, you can do it again, if you want. i might, if it’s not too much trouble. it’s called proposition 233. * proposition 233 reads as follows: the ambassadors of the empire of b————— offer a pair of pills to the “humans” whom we have determined to be one of the dominant life forms on this planet. the fifth most dominant, to be exact. the two pills must be taken together or not at all. the entire “human race” must take the pills or not. a vote may be taken, in which any human who wishes may take part, to determine whether the entire human race will or will not take the pills. we, the ambassadors of the empire of b———————, will be happy to administer this vote. there will be one vote, and it will be final. the effects of the two pills are as follows: pill “a” will change the outward forms of humans. all humans will have the same form, the same “color” (according to human perception), the same weight and height at birth, the same weight and height through five clearly defined stages of development, and identical facial features at each stage of development. “sex” will be eliminated. pill “b” will change human brains. humans will no longer see the world in binary terms. there will be no more “us” and “them”. there will be no more “debates”, “arguments”, “controversies”, etc. humans will perceive the universe as civilized beings do - as one. the combined results of these pills will be to eliminate so-called war, hatred, racism, injustice, inequality, oppression, exploitation, alienation, competition, survival of the fittest, and other ills. it will also eliminate separate "cultures" for different groups of humsns. a “yes” vote on proposition 233 will signify a desire to take the pills, a “no” vote to not take them. if “yes” wins, we, the emissaries of the empire of b——————, will be happy to distribute the pills and oversee their administration. if “no” wins, we will be on our way, and wish the “human race” all the best. in either case, we may return in the future, with other propositions for other inhabitants of this planet. * the vote was taken. of the 20 billion human inhabitants of earth, approximately 9 billion voted. the final vote was 8.5 billion to 0.5 billion. * do you think that a) 8.5 billion voted “yes” and 0.5 billion voted “no” or b) 8.5 billion voted “no” and 0.5 voted “yes”? how would you have voted?