the lost dog, part 2

by nick nelson

part 2 of ?

to read part 1, click here

i tell you what. let’s settle this with our fists. the officer, whose name was legion johnson, could not believe their ears. settle this with our fists! who or what are you, anyway, legion asked the malefactor. are you some kind of time traveler from a vanished age that you employ such an antiquated term and concept, or are you just having a bit of fun with me? i warn you in all sincerity, i am not a fun person. the malefactor made as if to speak, but legion interrupted. before we go any further, let me have your name, if you please. i do not have one. make one up. that is easier said than done. it is not difficult at all. would you like some help? oh, i guess so. there are fourteen categories of names to choose from. they are - legion rattled off - a - numbers b -colors c - ordinary d - common e - famous real f - funny g - famous fictional h - random letter i - meaningless j - offensive k - positive l - negative m - animal and n - ambiguous. would you like me to repeat them? why don’t you just give me a name? i have never been very good at making choices. excuse me, the accuser, the person who had lost their dog, interrupted. do you not want their serial number? i already have their serial number, by scanning their dna, as i have yours. do not tell me how to do my job. then what do you need a name for? regulations. oh look, the accuser suddenly explained. here comes eddie now. eddie, you bad boy, where have you been? i guess we can forget about all this then, the nameless malefactor observed suavely, and be on our way as if nothing happened. i am afraid it is not as simple as all that, legion informed them. to be continued

the lost dog, part 1

by nick nelson

part 1 of ?

excuse me. there is something about you that i can not quite articulate. my dog is lost. just as i thought. he was a very friendly dog. that may be why he is lost. his name was eddie. that could very well be. what do you mean? his name was eddie - that is a fact. maybe he had a secret life. that is a totally contemptible suggestion. you did not even know him. you do not know that. get out of my field of observation. do my views upset you so much? eddie was my dog, not yours. period. full stop. this discussion is over. it is not quite so simple as that, my friend just then a law enforcement officer appeared on the scene. perhaps this officer will come to my assistance, in this awkward encounter. look here, what’s all this row? this what do you call it is harassing me. i resent that. i strongly resent that. officer, you have stumbled on an intolerable situation. i do not understand any of this. explain yourselves. let me introduce myself - i am a visionary, actively engaged in the unraveling of reality. this - this so-called individual rudely interrupted me without warning while i was meditating on the loss of my dog eddie. is this true? speak up. i do not know anything about any of these wild and baseless assertions. i am an experienced judge of people, battle hardened after long years on the teeming city streets, and i must say i do not like your looks one little bit. how unsettling for you, the accused malefactor answered with a sneer. i tell you what. let’s settle this with our fists. part 2

baby - 1. the church and the space ship

by nick nelson

part 1 of ?

women sweep up and wash the dishes. queen alberta could not decide whether to be a man or a woman. the world is divided into two kinds of people. anyone who calls themself a man move back one space. men and women go to church together on sunday. things went on in this way for a million years. men clean and oil their guns and hunt and kill deer and moose. women bake cookies and sometimes brownies. one day a space ship landed on earth. men watch football on television while women sweep up and wash the dishes. dad was a man and mom was a woman. and had been that way for a million years. all was silent after the space ship crashed into the rain forest. that’s not funny. just shut up and sweep up and wash the dishes. make up your mind - you are one or the other. joe king cleaned and oiled his favorite rifle, real slow. he knew what it meant to be a man. the moon floated over the trees, when the time comes, everybody will take their place. you know who you are. esmeralda carefully swept up the cookie crumbs. joe hung the cleaned and oiled rifle on the wall over his bunk. esmeralda finished sweeping up. they could all have used a good laugh just then. all this happened a million years ago the moon shone through the window on the carefully swept floor. to be continued