bulldog

by nick nelson

i was standing on the corner when i heard my bulldog bark this guy came at me with a knife i gave him the old china sea shake from my days in the navy seals in iwo jima we won't be hearing from him any more billy (he's my bulldog) kept barking i knew he was out there somewhere i went back to waiting it's not easy for me i'm not a patient person a car pulled up "where's eddie?" i figured eddie was the guy who came at me with a knife hey pal, you seen a guy? you mean tonight? yeah, just now. like in the last half hour? no, i ain't seen nobody hey eddie! eddie! say you wouldn't be the russian, would you? do i look like a fucking russian? i don't know, i heard there was a russian around - no need to get sore i ain't no russian okay, point taken i don't know if i like your tone of voice, asshole i don't know if i like anything about you, dickbrain what are you doing? looking for my dog i bet your dog is a real candyass, like you. you teach him to dance in the chorus, just like you? i don’t think i like the tone of your voice. hey, hey, what’s going on here? what’s all this noise? good evening, officer o’malley. good evening to you. allow me to repeat myself. what’s going on here? we were looking for eddie, and this character, this stranger who isn’t even from the neighborhood, was giving us grief. really? not from the neighborhood, is he? let me remind you that this is a free country, ever since washington beat the redcoats and lincoln freed the slaves, and the gentleman can go where he likes as long he does not disturb the peace - my peace. we were just looking for eddie. i can tell you exactly where eddie is. he is in the cooler, where i put him, for being drunk and disorderly. which i where will put you, if you do not behave yourself, as the good sisters taught you to do in school. all right, no need to get sore. and you, young fellow-me-lad, wandering around in the dark like a moonbeam, not even in your own neighborhood, what do you have to say for yourself? i was looking for my bulldog. i didn’t hear any bulldog. i thought i heard him bark. he ain’t got any bulldog, he’s lying. and he doesn’t belong around here. here, what is going on here? good evening , commissioner. nothing to get excited about, sir. just a little disagreement, everything is under control. a disagreement? let them settle it like men. you mean with their fists? no, with swords. i have some some swords in the trunk of my limousine. and the parking lot behind flaherty’s market - they can fight there. all right, you mugs, you heard the commissioner, let’s go. i was just looking for my dog. i said, let’s go. the things i put up with in the line of duty. i don’t like this sword, it’s too short. i am more of a long sword guy. no whining. play the hand you were dealt. a cat meowed from under flaherty’s back window. the swords flashed in the moonlight. a light rain began to fall. the stars looked down and laughed.