when baron foster childe was sent away to school at the age of six, he was quickly classified a milksop by the other boys. he took up swordsmanship, or maybe it was quarterstaffing, but he was not very good at it.
he never rose in the scholboys’ hierachy.
when his education was complete, his uncle, “the baron”, and the head of the family, declared him unfit to participate in the management of the family empire, even at the lowest level, and he was turned loose with a small allowance.
he considered the allowance inadequate, and attempted to live “by his wits”, i e, off women, but with little success.
such was baron foster childe when he first met ozzie kenilworth at madam johnson’s high class establishment in pittsburgh, pennsylvania.
foster attempted to strike up an acquaintance with ozzie in the way he did with every human male and many women he met, in the only way he knew how - by offering a wager.
do you fancy the horses?
why, do you want to sell me one?
no, i was thinking of the fair at harrisburg.
a fair? do they have games of chance, where one wins stuffed ducks and bears?
they have horse races. one bets on the outcomes of the races.
i am not a horse person, although descended from a very long line of them.
but what is one if not a horse person? a mule person? a balloon person? a riverboat or raft person? perhaps an ocean liner person?
i am a motorcar person.
oh, of course, of course! how obtuse of me. motorcars are quite the coming thing, i understand.
they are not coming, they are already here. i myself am planning a trip driving one from st louis to san francisco.
really? that sounds jolly.
i am trying to find someone to accompany me.
you do not fancy solitude? i would think someone who set out on such a venture would want to set his soul afloat in boundless space, and all that sort of thing.
actually i want someone to drive when i sleep, so that we can move more or less continuously. and not have to pack so much food and drink, which take up so much space.
oh, if you know where to go, excellently packed foodstuffs of the highest quality can be had for a reasonable price. i myself am descended from the purveyors of such goods, to the most refined gentry and even royalty.
you do not say so? i thought you had rather an assyrian cast of feature.
and you, of course, look like your ancestors crossed the english channel with william the conqueror.
yes, and crossed the atlantic to maryland, on the dove, in the service of good king charles.
young gentlemen, please! no politics or genealogy in madame’s establishment! and no religion, either.
we are sorry, cecily. it won’t happen again. where were we.
i was looking for someone to help me drive to san francisco.
i tried driving a motorcar a couple of times. i was afraid of bumping into things, like trees and people.
oh, you would not need worry where we are going - the proverbial wide open spaces. you could practice doing cartwheels with the vehicle.
does the vehicle have a name?
alexandra - not very original, but i like it.
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