the lost dog, part 3

by nick nelson

part 3 of ?

for previous episode, click here

to begin at the beginning, click here

i am afraid it is not as simple as all that, legion informed them. you have requested a name, legion addressed the malefactor, and by imperial statute, i am required to issue you one. you will then be required to report to imperial headquarters to register the name and fill out a few forms. what a bother, the malefactor sighed. what have i let myself in for, by not minding my own business. i am somewhat surprised, the visionary engaged in the unraveling of reality interposed, that given your apparent propensity for butting in on other people[s affairs, you have not found yourself in this situation before, indeed, officer legion agreed. but let us proceed. would you like to give yourself a name, or would you like me to provide you with one. i already asked you to give me one. forgive me, i have had a long day. here are fourteen names for you to choose from, are you ready? as i ever will be. the mames are: 6532 -965 - 4320 red rose greenblossom joe bpb smith 7854 walter johnson 67432 woodrow wilson 865 fotheringgay hogwillow mister rochester 5732 koyte fokuy hey! the visionary who lost and ten found his dog cried - that is my name if you please! i am sorry, legion hastily apologized. here, let me give you another one. not so fast, my good functionary, the visionary expostulated. something is seriously amiss here, and i mean to get to the bottom of it. suddenly the dog, eddie, ran off again, this time in the opposite direction from which he had previously appeared. the visionry followed afterhim in a stumbling gait. the obnoxious malefactor looked at officer legion and shrugged helplessly. the overburdened officer legion nodded. had enough? yes, for today. i will hepefully wake up tomorrow and start over. that sounds like a good plan., the malefactor agreed. i will buy you a dribk, if you lke. no thank you, i want to get home to my lonely room and watch my favorite show. to be continued

the lost dog, part 2

by nick nelson

part 2 of ?

to read part 1, click here

i tell you what. let’s settle this with our fists. the officer, whose name was legion johnson, could not believe their ears. settle this with our fists! who or what are you, anyway, legion asked the malefactor. are you some kind of time traveler from a vanished age that you employ such an antiquated term and concept, or are you just having a bit of fun with me? i warn you in all sincerity, i am not a fun person. the malefactor made as if to speak, but legion interrupted. before we go any further, let me have your name, if you please. i do not have one. make one up. that is easier said than done. it is not difficult at all. would you like some help? oh, i guess so. there are fourteen categories of names to choose from. they are - legion rattled off - a - numbers b -colors c - ordinary d - common e - famous real f - funny g - famous fictional h - random letter i - meaningless j - offensive k - positive l - negative m - animal and n - ambiguous. would you like me to repeat them? why don’t you just give me a name? i have never been very good at making choices. excuse me, the accuser, the person who had lost their dog, interrupted. do you not want their serial number? i already have their serial number, by scanning their dna, as i have yours. do not tell me how to do my job. then what do you need a name for? regulations. oh look, the accuser suddenly explained. here comes eddie now. eddie, you bad boy, where have you been? i guess we can forget about all this then, the nameless malefactor observed suavely, and be on our way as if nothing happened. i am afraid it is not as simple as all that, legion informed them. part 3

the lost dog, part 1

by nick nelson

part 1 of ?

excuse me. there is something about you that i can not quite articulate. my dog is lost. just as i thought. he was a very friendly dog. that may be why he is lost. his name was eddie. that could very well be. what do you mean? his name was eddie - that is a fact. maybe he had a secret life. that is a totally contemptible suggestion. you did not even know him. you do not know that. get out of my field of observation. do my views upset you so much? eddie was my dog, not yours. period. full stop. this discussion is over. it is not quite so simple as that, my friend just then a law enforcement officer appeared on the scene. perhaps this officer will come to my assistance, in this awkward encounter. look here, what’s all this row? this what do you call it is harassing me. i resent that. i strongly resent that. officer, you have stumbled on an intolerable situation. i do not understand any of this. explain yourselves. let me introduce myself - i am a visionary, actively engaged in the unraveling of reality. this - this so-called individual rudely interrupted me without warning while i was meditating on the loss of my dog eddie. is this true? speak up. i do not know anything about any of these wild and baseless assertions. i am an experienced judge of people, battle hardened after long years on the teeming city streets, and i must say i do not like your looks one little bit. how unsettling for you, the accused malefactor answered with a sneer. i tell you what. let’s settle this with our fists. part 2