$62.89

by nick nelson

part one of ?

hank blueberry 5670-j-87 and sir lancelot 5636-d-07 lived on the 67th floor of building 6308 of a large american- euopean city. they never had much to say to each other. on a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being the least talkative and 10 the most talkative, hank was a 2.8 and lancelot was a 7.9. one day as they were passing in the corridor of the 67th floor, lancelot blurted out to hank - you should check your mail. i never get any mail, hank replied. i am not sure i still have a mailbox, you have one. ask roger to help you find it if you need help. you might be surprised at what you find. it might be worth your while. hank just grunted. but he had nothing better to do, so later that day, he did as lancelot suggested. * dear hank blueberry 5670-j-87, [ perhaps you have heard of me. my name is elon musk, and i was, until this morning as i write this, the richest man on earth. but i have taken vow of of poverty, and have decided to take my obscene wealth and divide it up equally among all the inhabitants of this unfortunately mismanaged planet. i had a total of $701,895,054, 345. 93 in my bank account when i withdrew it effective 6:43 am greenwich time this morning. and the planet had a population of 10,678, 443, 532 persons when i withdrew it. this amounts to $65.73 per person. unfortunately, the cost per person of printing and mailing the checks amounts to $2.84 per person, reducing the amount per check to $62.89. your check is enclosed. there are no conditions attached to it by myself. if you attempt to purchase anything with it deemed illegal by your local authorities, that is your lookout. please do not attempt to reply to this letter, as by the time you receive it, i will be practicing my vow of poverty, perhaps on a mountaintop, perhaps under a tree, in a hopefully undisclosable location. sincerely, brother y-27 , formerly known as elon musk. * hank stared at the check. was it real? he would find out, but was in no hurry to do so. he supposed something about it would be in the news, whether it was real or not. would he bother cashing it, if it was real? maybe. he could aways use it as a bookmark. to be continued?

the future

by nick nelson

the future is not here yet and is hard to predict. the track record of the human race in predicting the future is not very good. the most common method of prediction is extrapolation - assuming that things and tendencies which exist and are proliferating in the present will continue to proliferate unchecked in the future. for example, “if the world population continues to increase at its present rate, by the year —————, there will be more people on earth than atoms in the universe.” or, “if the temperature of earth continues to increase at its present rate, by the year —————— the earth will be hotter than the hottest star in the galaxy.” “if the national debt continues to grow at its present rate, by ———————, america will owe 50 trillion dollars per taxpayer.” what happens to these tendencies in “real life”? a) they slow down b) a counter tendency - a reaction to the action - emerges (this is probably a “law of nature”) c) something new and totally unforeseen comes along, which “changes everything”. all that being said, here are my predictions for the future, based on the “best evidence available at this time” . all humans will live in large cities. cities larger than any that exist today. so large that the word “city” will hardly have any meaning. no individual humans will have any role in the day to day operation of anything. “machines” or “a i” or some now inconceivable technology will run everything. if humans exist at all , they will have little resemblance to the humans of today, individual humans will have no physical contact with each other, thus avoiding any opportunities of abusing, exploiting, or oppressing each other. it is very unlikely that “sex” or “gender”, let alone “race” or “nationality”, will exist at all. if humans get “old’ and/or need to reproduce, they will be cloned or reproduced by a now unforeseen technology. each human will have their own space, and each space will be exactly the same size, and have the same constant temperature, and be supplied with the same amounts of water, oxygen, and protein, assuming that the future humans require such things. what, if anything, will the humans “do all day”? this may be the ultimate, and the most difficult question for a contemporary human to try to answer. will they make some sort of art? what would it be about? will they sleep, and dream, all day? practice “lucid dreaming”? what would they dream about? will they engage in politics? again, about what? will they engage in some sort of sports or contests? this would open up the possibility of injustice, unfairness, abuse, oppression, etc. * what do i think the chances are that these predictions will come true? the answer - zero. because the first rule of prediction is - if it can be predicted, it will not happen. thank you.

the lost dog, part 2

by nick nelson

part 2 of ?

to read part 1, click here

i tell you what. let’s settle this with our fists. the officer, whose name was legion johnson, could not believe their ears. settle this with our fists! who or what are you, anyway, legion asked the malefactor. are you some kind of time traveler from a vanished age that you employ such an antiquated term and concept, or are you just having a bit of fun with me? i warn you in all sincerity, i am not a fun person. the malefactor made as if to speak, but legion interrupted. before we go any further, let me have your name, if you please. i do not have one. make one up. that is easier said than done. it is not difficult at all. would you like some help? oh, i guess so. there are fourteen categories of names to choose from. they are - legion rattled off - a - numbers b -colors c - ordinary d - common e - famous real f - funny g - famous fictional h - random letter i - meaningless j - offensive k - positive l - negative m - animal and n - ambiguous. would you like me to repeat them? why don’t you just give me a name? i have never been very good at making choices. excuse me, the accuser, the person who had lost their dog, interrupted. do you not want their serial number? i already have their serial number, by scanning their dna, as i have yours. do not tell me how to do my job. then what do you need a name for? regulations. oh look, the accuser suddenly explained. here comes eddie now. eddie, you bad boy, where have you been? i guess we can forget about all this then, the nameless malefactor observed suavely, and be on our way as if nothing happened. i am afraid it is not as simple as all that, legion informed them. to be continued

the lost dog, part 1

by nick nelson

part 1 of ?

excuse me. there is something about you that i can not quite articulate. my dog is lost. just as i thought. he was a very friendly dog. that may be why he is lost. his name was eddie. that could very well be. what do you mean? his name was eddie - that is a fact. maybe he had a secret life. that is a totally contemptible suggestion. you did not even know him. you do not know that. get out of my field of observation. do my views upset you so much? eddie was my dog, not yours. period. full stop. this discussion is over. it is not quite so simple as that, my friend just then a law enforcement officer appeared on the scene. perhaps this officer will come to my assistance, in this awkward encounter. look here, what’s all this row? this what do you call it is harassing me. i resent that. i strongly resent that. officer, you have stumbled on an intolerable situation. i do not understand any of this. explain yourselves. let me introduce myself - i am a visionary, actively engaged in the unraveling of reality. this - this so-called individual rudely interrupted me without warning while i was meditating on the loss of my dog eddie. is this true? speak up. i do not know anything about any of these wild and baseless assertions. i am an experienced judge of people, battle hardened after long years on the teeming city streets, and i must say i do not like your looks one little bit. how unsettling for you, the accused malefactor answered with a sneer. i tell you what. let’s settle this with our fists. part 2

baby - 1. the church and the space ship

by nick nelson

part 1 of ?

women sweep up and wash the dishes. ali could not decide whether to be a man or a woman. the world is divided into two kinds of people. anyone who calls themself a man move back one space. men and women go to church together on sunday. things went on in this way for a million years. men clean and oil their guns and hunt and kill deer and moose. women bake cookies and sometimes brownies. one day a space ship landed on earth. men watch football on television while women sweep up and wash the dishes. dad was a man and mom was a woman. and had been that way for a million years. all was silent after the space ship crashed into the rain forest. that’s not funny. just shut up and sweep up and wash the dishes. make up your mind - you are one or the other. joe king cleaned and oiled his favorite rifle, real slow. he knew what it meant to be a man. the moon floated over the trees, when the time comes, everybody will take their place. you know who you are. esmeralda carefully swept up the cookie crumbs. joe hung the cleaned and oiled rifle on the wall over his bunk. esmeralda finished sweeping up. they could all have used a good laugh just then. all this happened a million years ago the moon shone through the window on the carefully swept floor. to be continued

hey joe

by horace p sternwall

hey joe, where you going with that cactus plant in your hand? i am going to cincinnati to bury my head in the sand i don’t think you are really going to cincinnati at all i think you are going to indianapoiis to shop in its famous mall why do you always torture me, and doubt my every word? you know that i am not one of the common herd i wake up every morning before the break of dawn and before the wide word is astir i get my mojo on i sit all day in jake’s cafe and no one ever looks my way but if they did they might be surprised at the epics unscrolling behind my eyes poor joe, locked in the arms of fleeting time if hopeless dreaming was a crime he would spend a thousand years in alcatraz but carlsbad new mexico is all he has

82325

by hotrace p sternwall

my brain is not what it used to be it used to work more efficiently when i was young and wild and free and wrote poetry beneath a tree i tried to write a happy song but the universe did me wrong and all its blind inhabitants never gave me a fighting chance i had a message for humankind locked within my burning mind but when i let it loose upon the air i realized there was nothing there i am sorry to take up your time with this meandering rhyme i have nothing better to do though i know my heart is true